Rorschach's inkblots WERE all kittens & puppies....I knew it!

Went to see the shrinky dink again.

Get to play the medication mambo to see if we can 

finally find the right combo to get me a bit more functional .

Definitely had a better feeling coming out of this session.

I think we might have stumbled on to the right path

I truly hope and pray so.

I was really proud of myself today.

I got brave and decided to try taking a look back 

A look back to and at all that is - ME

I brought it up by the way - all by my big girl self!

It's scary to go there with the history I have

It's also frustrating to go there again when you 

think you already dealt with the issues

Issues you thought that had been put away in your proverbial 

mental closet for good.

It really sucks ass when that mental closet door comes

flying open and EVERYTHING falls out at once.

You just stand there looking at it all incredulously 

thinking to yourself - "SHIT - did that really just happen?"

And WTF? - why now?

Then you remember the whole childless not by choice thing

It becomes pretty damn clear why you are falling apart now

Falling apart in grieving the loss of the child you will never know

and in the same breath grieving the screwed up child you were.

I know I sound all new-age, inner-child, you're okay-I'm okay 

here but for the sake of keeping some anonymity, it's all 

I'm willing to say in this type of public forum.

Let's just say that for the first time in a long time,  

I was open to really hearing what was being said

and suggested to me. - TRULY.

It's too soon for me to say I am cautiously optimistic but

I will say I might have the teeny tiniest seed of hope for today.

We shall see what tomorrow brings

God - I hope this new med helps with the sleep!!!!!

________

P.S. thanks to the followers who I have gotten on this new blog

there may only be a few as of now but I appreciate you all!

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