"Remember us?"
Years of trying and a boat-load of tests later, it was found that we would not be able to conceive on our own. We then pursued as much infertility medical intervention as our finances would allow only to end up unsuccessful and still childless. We also looked into adoption possibilities along the way on our journey. We were disheartened to learn that adoption for us would be just as much if not more expensive than the infertility treatments we could not afford, therefore ruling it out as well. And so there we were .......
2011 arrived and brought with it an ironic new beginning and ending all in one.
2011 began with all the promises a new year brings and yet at the same time it brought the ending of our family building journey.
It began with a bittersweet midnight kiss shared by a couple finally realizing their love for one another would have to enough in the end .
It began with little fanfare or celebration.
It began with the silence of two loving people holding one another at midnight, while the realization of living childlessness kicked in.
It began with us knowing that in our ending, we would have to change our lifelong dream in the hopes of being able to move forward - together.
It began with knowing that our change would bring grief - a quiet, hidden, intangible grief.
It began with allowing ourselves to grieve this ending -
learning how to grieve something we only dreamed of, learning how to grieve the loss of what our lives would have been like, learning how to grieve our childlessness.It began with our ending.
This is where we are right now.....it's a tough,shitty, painful place to be.
Here's to hoping that whatever is on the other side of this grief, hurt and ending is
FUCKING FANTASTIC!
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MOOD REPORT:
Hi There,
ReplyDeleteYour story is so much like our story. In fact, it's exactly like our story. Blessings to you, and kudos that you were able to draw a line in the sand. With us its was a long and painful goodbye to our dreams. We held out hope for years that somehow we would get a little miracle only to be reminded over and over again that not everyone does.
Vicki a.k.a. (www.awomanwithoutchildren.wordpress.com)--for some reason I can't get my Wordpress blog profile to take on e-blogger blogs
This beautifully expresses the end of one journey, and the beginning of another - one I recognise. Mourning for one often occurs even when you're trying to fully appreciate the other. It's part of the contradiction of our lives, I think. And I wish you well.
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