Vacation memories: A.K.A.- A bad case of the crabs

Hidden sunset-Keys 2011

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For those of you who actually managed

to stomach reading my last post -

I say "Bravo" to you.

It was a bit on the "raw" side to say the least.

(inner voice says....."you think? while rolling her eyes)

I am however, not going to apologize for that mostly 

because, I really needed to get it out of my system 

In any case I did want to say this....

I am honestly doing my very best in finding some

enjoyment on this vacation.

It may not seem that way but I really am.

Honest.

I do appreciate the fact that I have the

opportunity to be in a warm & beautiful 

environment instead of the snow & cold.

I do appreciate having the opportunity

to spend some time with my parents

I do appreciate that I get to spend some

alone time with my husband.

It's just that even those things seem 

fairly lackluster in my current state of mind.

I hate that - I really do.

I want to have better control over my 

feelings right now. I just don't.

I want so much to be in a better place - 

a better mindset so that I could really take

it all in - truly enjoy the moment.  I just 

can't seem to get there.

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The other day when we were out fishing,

my father remarked how much he loved

watching "his two girls" fishing (mom & I)

He start reminiscing about our family vacations

in The Outer Banks and about how much

fun we had all had.

I thought back fondly of those vacations

I remembered my parents spending many

patient and wonderful hours showing us how to fish.

Everything from cutting up frozen squid bait, to

actually baiting the hook.  Learning the perfect cast, and

getting the fish off the hook once we caught them.

I remembered them also showing us how to go crabbing.

From finding just the perfect spot, to tying twine around

a chicken neck to use as bait., Showing us

how slow you had to go when bringing the crabs

up and knowing exactly when to net them.

I remembered them taking us out on the

sand dunes so that we could watch the hang gliders and

learn to fly some of the new kites they bought us each year.

I remembered desperately hanging on to my father

  each time I went in the ocean. He called it "the crab hold"

because I was convinced I would be bitten by a crab if my 

feet touched the bottom. Every year he would reiterate that

it was safe this year to touch down. It was a long battle until I did.

Obviously my issues go way back!

______

I remembered all of these wonderful memories on

these vacations that we spent together.

Together as a family.

Then it hit me....it was the time we spent as a family.

The memories of my parents passing down all 

of these special activities and moments.

Passing them on to their children.

 

Here I am again -dead on faced with the fact that 

I will not be passing these same things on.

At least not to any children of our own.

That knowledge just breaks my heart.

It also hurts - just really really hurts. 

 

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